A Bizzare Accident

It has been almost a year since my wife has been driving a scooter on the roads of Hyderabad and almost same period since I have been telling her that every driver has a fall – asking her to be more careful. Finally today she fell off the bike. Nothing serious though, and we celebrated her bravado by watching Ishaqzaade. Now Ishaqzaade isn’t a great film, but it did made me think about having a smoke, after a very looooooong time.I resisted the temptation (pat pat). Almost immediately, I rushed to watch another film, only to meet with an accident. It is not a habit of mine to name an accident, but because it was the second accident of the day as far as my family was concerned, I decided to call this – Department.

Apparently a teenager named Ramgopal Varma had recently chanced upon something called Rogue film making. As he was ‘driving’ his story bus, he was so focused on rigging his camera to the steering, to the car, top, front, walls, chappals, even hands, armpits, nostrils, groins etc. of his fellow actors, so much that he lost direction! I also think that this accident had lot to do with his female entourage – Lakshmi Manchu, Madhu Shalini and that South American chic. The lady who was dubbing’ for Lakshmi Manchu, must have had tough time to match the latter’s accent – that could be the only explanation why Lakshmi looked, sounded, acted so terrible throughout this saga. The other girl Madhu Shalini had no idea if she had to look hot,or to deliver a ‘oh so mafioso philosophy’ again and again and again and again, while also playing Lady Macbeth of sorts! And the lady about whom RGV used to be all praise for – Nathalia – had gone all bust and butt, but God didn’t bless her with any rhythm whatsoever! Obviously, with such women around RGV must have had trouble focusing on his driving.

Also traveling in the bus was Rana. Even he, imitating his uncle Venkatesh from a Telugu film called Gharshana, couldn’t save RGV, even though the twosome somehow mastered the ability to see the blood of anyone who came in their way, with or without a gun, much like Balakrishna of Telugu Cinema! RGV’s weird angles showcasing Sanjay Dutt’s belly as much as the groins of all his other co-artists must have pissed off Mr.Dutt so much that he decided to stop showing any interest midway, managing only to wear a cap indoors! If that was not enough all those traveling in RGV’s bus were involved mouthing redundancies about ‘sahee’, ‘galat’, ‘system’ etc. etc that any meaningful sentence coming in between them would have jumped off the bus purely out of shame.

So after innumerable chases, gun fires, listening to music inspired by Bourne Identity, etc., RGV might have been soooo constipated that he decided to ‘release’, and then suddenly I find myself involved in this accident. The best part was inspite of being unconscious (yeah, as a result of the accident) I had dreamed of Amitabh Bachchan dressed like Lal Badshah with a special ghanti around his wrist, and also about Vijay Raaz dressed like Gandhi. I think I also saw Abhimanyu Singh in the dream, but am not sure… it was such an accident. Now all I can do is remember Quick Gun Murugan who in order to escape a girl’s advances says in his huge Telugu accent “…head ache hain“.

So still wondering what happened to the second film I went to watch (how clever you are) – I think I did manage to watch the film inspite of the accident and even with some amnesia here’s the interesting story – Two cops form an encounter team – blah blah blah – they have differences blah blah blah – comes Lord Krishnaesque politician – one cop dies, the other flies – blah blah blah. This film’s heroine Anjana Sukhani did try to act! Thank God! And phir bhee…head ache hain. Hmmph!!! Now the director of this particular film will soon have his Vodka and say, “who the EFF asked you to go watch my film?” May be I would tell him – “aaaaap alagh hai…“!

P.S.: I did notice that Rana’s younger brother was so excited about his brother’s involvement in this entire episode that he dozed off right beside me!

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